I awoke thinking about faith this morning. I’ve had a recent experience that I’d like to share, in hopes of encouraging others. Though the circumstances are about taking in aging parents (and many of us baby-boomer sons and daughters are currently facing this issue) the insight that the Lord gave to comfort me is widely applicable to many different circumstances. In 2 Cor 1:3-4 (ESV), we read, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” God is so good that when He comforts us in one area, we can then offer that comfort to people in many other areas! So, here’s my recent experience of comfort that should apply to a variety of homeschooling challenges. Don’t think that this is just about aging parents!

It’s really about faith, but here’s how it all started. About six years ago, we took my husband’s parents into our large and busy household. At that time, we had just begun the Redesign project, and we were launching our bookstore as well. We were heavily investing time, money, and energy into rebuilding, rewriting, and perfecting Tapestry of Grace.  Now, my mother in law is a very conservative Christian woman whom God had always called to work as a servant to her own children and husband in their home (her last child was born only a few years before my marriage to her son, so she had an extra baby to raise!).  It was hard for her to see that, now my children were mostly grown-up and starting to leave the home, God and my husband were calling me to work through ministry in Titus 2 fashion to homeschooling women. She often felt lonely as the busy household swirled around her, and I was unable to sit and chat as she thought I should.  It was a difficult time for all of us but is important background to the work of grace that later resulted in both of our lives. These Folks stayed about a year and a half all told in our home, and then decided that it would be best for all if they moved back south, to be near Scott’s brother in South Carolina. They were hale and hearty when they bid us goodbye on a fine July day.

Fast forward four years. Dad had a nervous breakdown that no one expected about a year after they moved away. Mom was extremely faithful to him through it, and became a shut-in as a result. Dad became a mental and physical invalid: he spent 23 hours a day on the couch, and his muscles atrophied. He thus had several falls over the last two years, and was in and out of the hospital and nearby nursing homes. Mom’s memory began failing at an increasing rate over the last two years, and as a result, she lost her driver’s license in November 2010, and could no longer care for them both. Scott’s brother became increasingly exhausted in caring for their needs and those of his own family. Another brother came from New York to spend the entire month of December with the Folks, as throughout that month, we held family pow-wows by phone as to what to do to find a lasting solution in caring for their parents.

Scott had always wanted to be the one to care for his Folks in their old age. It was, for him, a family tradition. His parents had cared for some of their parents in his home, and he had even been the point man for caring for his grandfather until he died, shortly before our marriage. I had always known that this might be something we would do, but as the time came to make the decision, I was truly saddened and afraid.I was saddened because, after Dad and Mom moved away, we had sold our “big house.” We had then rented a town home for two years, and then last summer had moved to rent a 3rd-floor apartment that had three bedrooms. I was delighting in living with my two single adult daughters, one of whom, Charity, was in a serious courtship (that has since resulted in engagement). The other daughter was my baby, Marjorie, now 20. She and I had sacrificed a lot of fellowship time over the ten years of writing and launching of Tapestry of Grace, and I was loathe to give up any more time with her. When the needs of the Folks were revealed, the first feelings I felt were ones of profound self-pity. If they moved in, my girls would have to live elsewhere. “Really, Lord? Really?” Could He really be calling me to give up more time, with Charity on the eve of her engagement and Marjorie in her last years of college? “Really, Lord?” I asked over and over, through many tears.

I was afraid because of earlier experiences with my mother in law. I was also afraid that Scott and I as a couple would become shut-ins. Because of Dad’s frailty and Mom’s memory loss, they would need someone in the apartment 24/7. Clearly, Scott and I could not therefore be as mobile as we had been in these past few years, where we enjoyed the freedom to come and go that goes with an emptying nest. Furthermore, my own mother lives in the next town for nine months of the year, and I’m her primary family care taker. I spend the bulk of each Tuesday with her, doing whatever she needs done. I was afraid that importing Scott’s more needy folks into our home would prevent me from ministering to my own, unsaved mother. The past really did also throw up a frightening specter: life had been difficult last time around. Would it be even more so now that God was limiting my mother in law’s resources even more?

These were the sins and fears that beset me as I sat for a month at the feet of my Lord and asked Him for direction. It was surprising to me how He answered me, and I offer this comfort to all of us who are facing circumstances that sadden or frighten us.One morning, as I was asking Him for guidance, He opened up to me this question, “Would you choose to be directed by doubts or by faith?” I pondered this. Where had my doubts led me so far? To waves of self-pity, to fear, and to resistance to the clear teaching of Scripture concerning the care of parents. Where would faith lead me?

• To obedience: I could support Scott as he cared for his folks, in obedience to the Scriptures.
• To being a helpmeet, enabling my husband to do what he felt called to do, and delighted to do: care for his parents.
• To being an example to my children of a woman who embraces God’s calling gladly and in faith. Especially, I saw, I could impact the very daughters over whom I had been pitying myself with thoughts of losing close physical proximity.
• To being a comfort to my husband’s entire family–which, incidentally, is made up of brothers who are pastors, a missionary to Mexico, a starving student, and a businessman. By saying “yes,” I would free up all of those brothers for fruitful ministries.
• To more faith! By building myself up in my most holy faith, I believed (by grace) that I would rejoice in the future when God kept His promises. It was the decision to act now as if God had already been strong on my behalf that served me. And I could take that leap because of the proven character that Jesus displayed on the Cross. It is this insight that I probably cherish the most, and offer as comfort to you. THIS is where I want to camp for the remainder of this post!

This was a mountaintop moment, seeing all the above. You know how mountaintop moments are, though. You have them, get all excited about being strong, and then… a day or two goes by… and you begin to question… and wonder… then to review the fears and doubts again… and then you’re right back where you started, only more so. I’ve been there and done that. It’s depressing.What God did for me instead, though, was to lead me to build myself up in my most holy faith. By His grace alone, I recognized that this was a significant choice point in my life. I saw that I had the chance to build up my faith purposefully, by trusting God alone to provide sustaining grace, and not looking at fears and doubts. As John Piper so aptly wrote, sustaining grace is…

Not grace to bar what is not bliss
Nor flight from all distress–but this:
The grace that orders our trouble and pain
And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.

God was going to act. He was going to move forward. I began to consider what I would like to look back on in five years. WHEN my God proved Himself faithful, as He always does, did I want to be rejoicing in the grace that He had given me to believe Him and walk by faith in His promises to never leave me nor forsake me, or did I want to look back with regrets that I did not trust Him enough?I decided to crystallize the moment. I wanted to capture the mountain top thoughts where I could review them over and over. “For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23 ESV). I knew that my only sure stay was God’s Word, and Jude 1:20-21 (ESV) exhorted me, “But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life” [my emphasis added]. We are to work at building ourselves up, as well as encouraging others.

I therefore went out and bought a new journal notebook; it was to be my book of faith. In it, I recorded at the top of each of about 20 pages verses on faith, such as Philippians 3:7-14, Mark 4:40 and 11:21-25, and Matthew 6:30-33. An especially rich harvest came from the book of Romans, especially these verses: 1:8 and 17; 3:21-25, 27-28; 4:3-8 and 16-25; 5:1-5; 10:8-10 and 17, and 14:23, quoted already above. Under each of these passages, I left room to pour out my heart to the Lord as time went by in the days ahead. Then, smilingly and with faith, I told my husband and his brothers that I would be truly glad to welcome their folks into my home.

Fast forward almost four months. They have been with us for about eight weeks. Not once have I regretted my choice. Not once has my mother in law expressed disapproval of me. She is all gratitude. She knows her need, and she knows that we have rescued her. She cries with tears of gratitude and praise to Jesus, and to us. She faithfully serves her frail husband, only leaving his side for short walks each morning.

Furthermore, God has provided for the transition in countless ways, but let me record a few.

• My son, Mike, saw our example and he and his young wife responded by opening up their townhouse to my daughter, Charity. For Mike and Jess, too, this was a decision of faith and service. They have two small daughters to care for, and didn’t know how much it might cost in terms of sleepless nights (resulting from moving the girls into one bedroom) or privacy (to have sister Charity living in one of their three bedrooms, sharing the only full bathroom in the house). They took the leap, however, and by their generosity, Charity was enabled to live closer to her fiance and build their relationship, yet she calls me many mornings on her way to work. We share sweet fellowship then and are planning the wedding for the fall.
• Marjorie moved back to her college campus. She found a girl eager to embrace her as a roommate at the last minute. During this past term, she has made many contributions to life there. And, she still comes home to sleep on the futon couch in Scott’s office and attend church with us most weekends.
• Scott’s missionary brother and his family were on furlough as the Folks prepared to move up here. They were able to pack up all Mom’s most cherished possessions and bring them along. They then rented a nearby apartment for a couple of months, and have allowed us to come and go as we need and want to during this transition time.
• Scott has been diligent to find other care givers in the interim. God has provided Christians in our town who can “babysit” when needed so that we can attend Care Groups and family functions. Another secular care giver has been located for Sunday mornings. So, we are not housebound, though we are back to the days of needing to find babysitters!
• For our speaking engagements this spring, which take us far from home for multiple days, various ones of the brothers have plans to step into our apartment and spend time with their Folks, releasing us to travel.

So, as advertised, God has kept His promises, and I do look back with gratitude, and not regret. But that’s not all. I’ve saved the best for last. There are countless gifts and lessons that we are receiving and learning as we care for two frail saints. For instance:

• We are learning how hard it is to grow old. This grows our compassion, and leads us to consider our own old age in a timely way, when we can think about ways to reduce future burdens on our own children.
• We are learning about what it’s like to lose all that we treasure–health, memories, dignity, and time with loved ones–because of the Fall. We have learned to hate sin, and long for Heaven.
• We are learning how fearful the days of old age can be, and how one faces the certainty of death with raw faith alone. We see the real comfort that that faith brings.
• I’ve said it before on this blog, but I’ll say it again because it bears repeating: I feel like I am Santa Claus every day! Each day, as I give the folks a cheerful word, or a hug, or a glass of cold water, I am thanked as if I have just done a heroic deed. Well, and God does say that such deeds are heroic, but only because they follow His example of service and blessing those who cannot return the favor. Truly, truly it is more blessed to give than to receive!

There are more things, but this post is already way longer than I intended. Here’s the point: you can’t outgive God. Fears and self will tell you to protect yourself, to run from relational dangers and hurt, and to disobey and distrust God. We are commanded, as a protection against regrets and sin, to turn to God and build up ourselves in our most holy faith. My experience has been that, when I faced down my fears by clinging to a mountain top revelation by faith, by looking UP and working to build UP my faith, God has poured out blessing upon blessing until my cup runneth over. What one, simple step could you take–as I did with my journal–to build your faith up in obedience to God?

Let me comfort you: if you have been tempted to withhold from the Lord that which He is calling you to do because of doubts or fears, I invite you as He Himself does in Malachi 3:10, to test God by an obedience born of faith, and see if He “will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need.”

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